Catching up, Letting Go and Stepping Off


I can't get over, sometimes, exactly how fast time flies. Sure, everyone laughs about it now and again- but it's really not funny! I can't believe it's been this long since I have posted (I thought I just posted last week!) I can't believe that my son is getting his drivers permit (it WAS yesterday that I bought the bicycle with the training wheels- I know it was!) and I can't believe that I have been at the same heartless job for over twelve years! (but more on that later).

I figured I would simply start this post off with a stunning photo of the roses that bloomed last week. They are crawling up my chimney- the remarkable thing about these roses is that last year they were a stick. And of course I was determined to save them. I ate bananas for a week and buried the skins around the base of the poor little "charlie brown" bush- I have created a monster! It has grown over 10 feet tall and as of this writing, has approximately 25 flowers/buds on it... Now that is Awesome! So - something pretty to look at while I babble for a while.I am horribly behind in my award acceptance. These past weeks I have received some of the most touching tags and awards from the most amazing and supportive people here in Bloglandia. And I just want to give a shout out and a huge THANK YOU to Heather, Sonia :o) and Luz- You gals are amazing! I will be back to address each of these awards individually, as some of them are quite complicated- and I'm going to need to focus! :o)

So, to the catching up part: well, I could write a book on my experiences over the past two weeks- but I am not sure whether it would be considered a self-help, a how-to or a dramatic comedy. Everything comes in sets- both good and bad. it is that constant chaos that reminds us that we are alive, I suppose- and not to take things for granted. Stop taking everything so seriously- It really is too short. I am not going to go into detail- no one really needs to have that much heartache- let me just say that this week past- one of the most amazing women on the planet; gentle, devoted, generous, funny, loving, encouraging, inspiring, wild and courageous- and the mother of my best friend in the whole world- lost her war with cancer and left this world. And the world is not a better place for her passing, and she will be missed so severely. And to say that my heart aches for her family and those that remain is an understatement. And that is all I have to say about that.

Now I could tell you about the paintings that I have heading to Atlanta for a gallery showing, or the book I will be published in, in the fall- I could even go on about the shops in New York that will be carrying my art this summer. And I will, it just doesn't seem very important at this moment, in comparison to other goings on. I will come back to them in future posts- as they come due, and get closer- I am trying to get better with the whole "salesman" shoes I have to make fit some how - and I will be coming to all of you and seeing how you get past the whole scaredy-cat, hate talking about what I do art-wise - there it is - go buy something approach to promoting your goods. For now though, there is something bigger...

Sometimes, though it may be a bit cliche-ish, it takes the slap in the face fragality of life to wake you up- it takes something that huge, that earth shattering to put things back into perspective. Through the clouds of heartache and anger and tears break the rays of clarity. It can bring you back around full circle to a reality check that includes phrases such as... What the hell am I doing? This is not where I wanted to be. or perhaps- You can't be serious, you really think THAT is important? Sometimes- there may even be an occasional- What exactly is it that I am waiting for? What am I so afraid of? and if you are super lucky- and very courageous, a bit giddy and dare I say, a touch daring-(or daft- depending on who you are talking to) it is followed by a very loud, very confident

.........................I QUIT!................
I can honestly say that I have done just about every job out there. I have trained horses for Olympians and have been a grocery clerk, I have worked a farm, run a dive shop, a record shop, an ice cream shop (yeah - that was yummy!) I have shoveled crap, cleaned toilets, scrubbed floors. I have worked as a pantry chef and a seafood chef, a waitress and a bartender, a movie theatre manager, been a mobile dj and a manager of a radio station. For the life of me - I can't figure out how the universe led me to a career in law, but for the past 12 years, I have worked in a law office; first as a temp, then a paralegal, then an office administrator. Somewhere along the line, I sold out. I admit it. I am not proud of it, but there it is. And what a loveless career. Well- it all ends. After twelve years of dreaming I have finally gone and stepped off that edge. Finally. I have the job I have always wanted, always dreamed about, yearned for and was fundamentally too scared to pursue. Imagine this. I am a self-employed artist. whew. Ain't that the shit! Scared? sure, a little- but the excitement of it all is intoxicating. So hang on- it's going to be an amazing, fabulous, exciting and creative ride from here on out! WHOOT!


10 comments:

Barbara/myth maker said...

May you soar as you follow your bliss!

Sonia ;) said...

T.........

You can do it....Shake your boodie and rejoice....

Better yet...as John Wayne said "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway".

Now saddle up and know I will always be ur ear to bend, yell into, encourage to blue in the face, and just make an ass out of and make u laugh....

Muwahahahaha together...Hugs soul-sista

Hugs and a kick in the tush...
S;)

Melissa Haren said...

Condolences on your loss and congratulations on you your new career. If you can taste my jealousy, please be patient with me :)

di from di-did-it said...

WOO-HOO!

Stepping off the edge said...

Barb- Thank you! I appreciate the support!

SOnia :o)- ok- not so much!my tush hurts! give me atleast a couple of weeks- then ya' can kick my butt!! until then I'll take all the other stuff! lol- Bootie shakin has commenced!

Melissa- darling! thanks for the support- no green! It's all good!

Di... I did it! LOL!! Hoot Hoot!

Have a wonderful week ladies!
:o) T

Renee said...

Woot woot....

How fantastic. This post is so full of so many things. So many truths.

How fantastic, you are in the best parts of your life, living the life that you have made.

Love Renee xoxoxo

CINNIBONBON said...

I tried to comment yesterday from my phone. No luck. But good thing because this morning I was "daft" I went in to work with the intention to just finish a project and take the rest of the day off. It didn't work out that way. It's no secret that I hated my job. Even with the lastest change, I realized that I still was just not happy.
Anyway as I was asking for the time off, the conversation with the director went all wrong. ...I ended up quitting!!!!!!!!!

Girl...I feel so liberated, scared (cause the hubs thinks we will end up in a cardboard box) but I'm thrilled that I had the courage to make this leap for the better. I saw my opportunity --- but I was hoping to stay long enough til I found another job....well the rain, my PMSing---the director's voice--with such tone...it all got the better of me this morning. Or maybe I just grew a set of big balls--- blurted out "I QUIT"

I know I will be okay. I know you will be ok too. I know your new business will prosper and I know you will be able to survive. You're a strong woman and life is surely worth living under better circumstances--than being miserable at a thankless job.

I know I held back cause of my family. But at this age I refuse to continue to live my life in such a manner. I'm thrilled that you are persuing your DREAMS!!!
I don't know what my next move is---but I want to say that I'm going to have one hell of time trying to figure it out!!

Rock on sweetness!!!

xoxoxo

Stepping off the edge said...

Renee- what a love. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I draw great inspiration from you! Thank you!

Luz: WOW. Good for you! I always put things off for my family as well- waiting for that perfect time. But then- well- what the hell! I could have been waiting for ever! I know things will work out for you! You have great determination and spirit. And you deserved so much better than that hole! Have a wonderful time figuring it out! (how exciting!) I'm always here for an ear!

xoxoxo to you both!
:o) T

Renee said...

Tracey thank you so much for such loving words.

I was just listening to Sting sing 'Fields of Gold' and kinda crying (but not really; if such a think is possible). And then I was going to go to bed.

And then I thought I would check my blog to see if a dear friend had commented.

You have given me some sweet thoughts to go to bed with and I thank you for that.

Love to you dear friend.

Good luck in stepping off, like the fool in the tarot, we all have to step off. We must actually.

You will fly.

Love Renee xoxoxo

shana said...

I just wanted to let you know about a new forum for artists as well as musicians, fashion designers, and filmmakers, http://www.PutItOn.com. As an artist I think that the mission is really great. The site gives you a free gigabyte of space for portfolio, there is no commission taken for sales, audio and visual works can been streamed in their entirety, you can create live personal broadcasts for your followers, and anything you write will be translated into 10 languages. So check it out!